Back again, after a long break...kya kare!
Tragic it is, but even the greatest mind on earth had to run the
race, because this rat is so badly addicted to it.
So I kept running around, doing lotsa bulshit on the way,
finally reached some-place nice, partied a little, and then looked back...
For my whole life I have been a fierce competitor, and enjoyed
every bit of it... nah that's a lie.
I enjoyed it when the going was good and victories were easy. As I
graduated to tougher races, F3 to F1 we can say, the joy started depleting as
the victories were few and far between, losses were bountiful. It got
the wheel running in my little head.
Thus was born this theory.
Life is a journey towards the moving target set by our own mind.
It may be in field of work, in social herarchy or in monetary terms or all of
these and more. Spurt of happiness is rise, the same of sadness conversely is
fall. Human mind cannot perceive position, however high or low it may be. It
can only feel change in it.
Our mind is landscape (mind-space seems better). Our idols (Bill
Gates, Gandhi, Einstein or apna desi VIjay Mallaya if you will) mark the
mountains and people we look down to (Mohalle ka pakka bewda, failed cousins,
etc) mark the valleys. Everyone from our pear group (which of course keeps
changing depending upon field of comparison), classmates, colleagues,
neighbours, sometimes even family members mark our reference points at
different heights.
In the journey through this constantly changing terrain , only
change in level and not the steady position arouses emotion. Remember, I am
talking emotions...not passive satisfaction or sigh drawn from reminding
ourselves of our position . Greater the difference in levels, bigger is the
impact.
Looking at positions above us inspires yearning and pain.
Looking at those below inspires smugness and reassurance of the
path we took.
Bouncer?
Let me illustrate.
We feel good when we progress...through position, money,
qualification or new achievement in any field. This feeling slowly turns into
indifference when you get used to it. It only peeps in when you meet somebody
with lesser assets than yours, as smugness.
Same holds true for setbacks. You feel bad when your boss fries
you bad first time, as you get used to the regular thrashing, it slowly it
sinks in and you move on. Of course you momentarily feel better when the
bastard fries someone worse than you.
Look in your mind,
Remember getting into that hallowed building (college, office or
new home) with heart bursting of joy, I bet you don't even notice it
consciously now some 2-3 years down the line.
Remember your first pay-check? now the latest one, even fatter 3
times does not give that rush of blood to your heart.
Why were you really happy? because you got some XY% or you beat
your whole class?
Why were you unhappy about your salary, even half of which you
don't spend...if not for the classmates who earned double?
Why you again felt better when you met that old classmate doing a
blue collar hard job at half your pay?
Comparison with our past self and with our current peers is what
we derive our joy and consequently sadness from.
We do compete for happiness, consciously or unconsciously; and
tragically since we don't have a permanent measure of happiness. We keep
running a race with moving targets, fooling ourselves into thinking 'yes,
that's my ultimate destination' only to realise it was just a
fucking milestone and our dream is still running ahead of us.
The conclusion being, unless we separate the source of happiness
from this ever-shifting mirage, we are going to remain captives of our own zero
sum game.
The theory is thrown open for discussion, pour in your views.
